This past weekend I went back to place flowers on Mom's grave and to do a few other things so I drove back to this spot to relive the event and her storytelling of it.
Dad's 95th birthday was Friday, 20 July 2012. I was back to make my monthly visit to Mom and went to the Herscher Historical Society Museum. While there I met a lady from the newly formed Bonfield Historical Society (which I joined) and I talked some about our roots in Bonfield. The first home my parents lived in was in Bonfield. I told one story from 1937 (one of many that Mom passed on while driving in and around Kankakee together over the years). The Arnold family was living on the Taylor farm just NE of Bonfield. When Mom and Dad were dating (she was 17 and he 19 or 20) he would roar through Bonfield, drop her off and then go SE a few miles home to the Miller farm. This night the town cops waited for him just south of town near Stone Creek by blocking off the road with their cars. He usually dropped her off about the same time every Saturday night. Dad always drove a big GM car to go along with his heavy right foot! He saw the roadblock, went down into the east side ditch and waved at them with one finger as he went by. His words are censored and therefore ommitted from this blog. He swung up and got back on the road to roar through town, stopped at Arnolds, said goodnight, spun his tires and headed towards home! With the cops in pursuit! The three cars made a lot of noise approaching the Miller house with a very long lane and his Dad came out with his shotgun loaded. When his son told him what was going on Grandpa fired off two rounds into the air! The cops turned around and went back to Bonfield. I still remember how Mom told this story in much greater detail many years ago. She said it was an exciting time! So I went back to the spot and took this picture. Happy Birthday Dad!
Mom loved to go down to "Decoration Day" (we call it Memorial Day) in Kentucky every year. It is held at the Adkins-Arthur Cemetery (where her folks, grandparents and many, many family members are buried) and it is a week later than ours. They have a big family reunion type get-together with plenty of food, pictures, talking and live gospel music. This was the first year that not one of the Arnold sisters attended and it was because of age related health problems. Mom and I made it many times along with Marilyn Rose. Marilyn Rose called all of us kids about Mom's deteriorating health 30 May. We had submitted funeral plans in 2010 so on Friday 31 May I went in to review them. Mom had started making her plans back in 1976 and I had followed her wishes. She had everything paid for years ago. I had a list of things that had to be completed when I returned home Saturday. On Sunday night at 9:02 p.m. I sent this as the last email requested by the funeral home. This was DECORATION DAY, JUNE 1, 2014! When I received the Death Certificate it showed TIME OF DEATH as 9:02 p.m., the same exact time/date as the email. She chose the time to take her last breath.
My grandma died Sunday night. Grandma had been in a nursing home for several years after it became clear that she wasn't safe living alone, even with family in the same small town and regular visits from a nurse.
I thought I had prepared myself. She was 93 and had been in hospice for over a year. But something has stuck with me from the phone call I got soon after Grandma died.
Grandma's breathing was labored for a while, then she took a deep, final breath and tears rolled down her cheeks as she passed away.
* Grandma was a huge music fan and told me once that she saw Glenn Miller and his big band. I was blown away by that. I was just starting to get into that man's awesome sounds (go watch "Orchestra Wives" and you'll get a real sense for how the kids went crazy for Miller's music), and Grandma told me how wild and loud the show was and how everybody was dancing their hearts out.
Grandma drove to Nashville numerous times to soak up performances at the Grand Ole Opry She saw everybody, everywhere. I'm convinced that she attended triple the concerts that I've ever seen. Grandma's brother was a guitar player in a country/bluegrass band in Kankakee back in the day, and I'm pretty sure I get my love for music from her.
She loved to dance. And she could cut a rug with the best of them until well into her 80s. The woman stomped on the terra every day of her life.
* Grandma was constantly on the go and traveled all over the place. She came to my high school graduation in Germany. She visited us when we lived in Utah. She went out to California I don't know how many times. And if she didn't have a destination, she'd make one by driving around until she found something to do. Maybe a garage sale. Maybe an old friend.
Grandma traveled regularly to her original home near London, Kentucky to see family and friends. They lived in the hills, and Grandma rode a horse to school when she was growing up. She used to tell stories about wearing a buffalo skin blanket in the back of the family car.
She was an unbelievably good cook. I used to go to her house sometimes just so I could beg her to make me some liver and onions - something nobody else could do as well as her. The first time I ever ate rabbit was when grandma cooked it for me. She'd bought it from a co-worker at the General Foods factory in Kankakee.
Grandma worked hard at that factory, which made dog food. She worked hard her entire life, from Kentucky to Kankakee. But I never heard her complain and she made great friends at that factory. We'd always run into them when we went out on the town together. She was one of those special people who seemed to know everybody and everybody loved her. It was like hanging out with a working class celebrity, I kid you not. She had a real presence that everyone around her could feel. People were naturally attracted to her.
* Grandma loved to go out to the taverns with her friends. She wasn't against going to the riverboats on occasion, either. She didn't live in a big house, quite the opposite. She wasn't into conspicuous consumption, except for making sure she always got her hair done just so.
Instead, she wanted to have fun. And, man, did she ever have fun. I once laughed so hard at one of her stories that I dropped my beer can on her floor, which made her laugh. She didn't drop her beer, though.
* Grandma treated her 22 grandchildren like they were all her favorites. I was the oldest male grandchild, so maybe I got extra special treatment every once in a while. At least, I felt so.
I'm told I'm the one who came up with the "Gramma Cuz" nickname for her. All her grandkids and great grandkids called her that. She was married briefly after divorcing my grandfather and kept her second husband's name Cousin for reasons I never really asked about. Some things, you just don't discuss with a lady.
Grandma taught me how to crochet once. I was spending a Christmas break from college with her and we couldn't go anywhere because the weather was bad. Some of my friends made fun of me when I told them what I did over break, but, truthfully, it wasn't about the crocheting. It was about spending time listening to my grandmother tell her stories and feeling as close to her as I've ever felt to anybody in my life.
* I think I told you already that Gramma Cuz met John F. Kennedy. I believe it was 1959, and my grandfather was a Teamsters guy. He took Grandma to a union event in Chicago and Kennedy put his arm around Grandma, kissed her on the cheek and told my grandfather that he had a beautiful wife. To the day she died, nobody could ever say a bad word about JFK in front of Grandma. Ever.
* Years ago, we were in her kitchen in West Kankakee and we talked for the first and only time about growing old. Grandma got really angry as she explained how she absolutely hated the idea of slowing down with age. She wanted to grab hold of life by the throat each and every day and and have fun, damnit. No slowing down for her. That just wasn't her way. Aging was an enemy, something to be fought.
Watching her slowly fade away, first at her house and then in the nursing home, broke my heart. When dementia finally occupied her almost non-stop, I had to force myself to go see her. But she always knew who I was, even at her most distant. Her eyes would light up when I walked in and she'd hold my hand. But she was soon gone again, lost in an incomprehensible world that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I knew she was suffering. I knew how much she despised the fate that ultimately overcame her. And so it was almost a relief when she passed. At least she will have peace, were my first thoughts.
But I haven't been able to stop thinking about those tears running down her cheeks at the end. She'd lost her fight. The fun was truly over. No more traveling, no more new experiences, no more children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, no more crazy fun music, no more of life's simple pleasures and beauties.
I've been haunted by those thoughts for days. But Grandma is indeed finally at peace and no longer suffering. So, I'm trying now to focus on how grateful I am for the love she gave her family, for the example she set of hard work and harder play and for always being there for anybody who ever needed her. . She was one of the finest storytellers I knew. It's not so much what she said, but in how she told those stories. I write a lot like she talked. I've been blessed to have her genes.
Grandma's wake is Wednesday afternoon and her funeral is Thursday. So, don't expect many posts. Lucille Arnold Miller Grandma Cuz Cousin
ADKINS-ARTHUR CEMETERY. Mom loved to return to Kentucky every year. Her parents, Mary Etta Arthur and George Arnold, are buried next to her grandparents, Nancy and John Arthur, in the Adkins-Arthur Cemetery, just across the road from his home place. Mom said that her Mother had always wanted to lay by her folks and her Father wanted to be buried there too because it was on a hill and he didn't want to lie in water for eternity. Usually some of her sisters would attend Decorat...ion Day get-togethers and Mom would sometimes join them or go with some of us kids. It is held on a different day than our Memorial Day. I have 8mm movies from the 60's and 70's of some of her trips there. The maintenance of the cemetery is supported by donations. Aunt Tevis and Aunt Edith would always raise a little money from the Arnold Family to donate something every year. Mom faithfully donated every year and I did it for her in her later years. Fact is I had sent a check down just last week. Aunt Dorothy said this year is the first year that at least one of the Arnold sisters didn't make it there. Mom passed away on Decoration Day, 1 June 2014. In lieu of flowers we asked that donations be provided to the ARC of Iroquois County (that is where Aunt Mardene lives). The cash money donated to the "To be used according to the wishes of the family." was $190 and it will go to the cemetery maintenance fund.